Dr. & Dr. (Mrs) P. O. C. IDAGU
Across the globe, practicing medicine is very challenging, requiring so much time for preparation, practice and proper documentation for all intents and purposes.
From undergraduate to postgraduate training, the mind is progressively structured to accommodate this uncommon kind of lifestyle–long hours of lectures, call duties, end-on-end seminars and tutorials, etc. This trend is even worse in developing countries where the doctor-patient ratio is nothing to write home about, the disease burden is high, employer-employee relationship is almost always strained, senior-junior relationship is by a hair’s breadth cordial and remuneration is very poor compared to counterparts in other climes.
Time, invariably, becomes a scarce commodity for the physician to meet the needs and demands of the patients, seniors and/or employers/managers while avoiding ethical and legal tight corners, hoping to meet other needs in the process. Still, the physician is no more or less a human being, burdened with other life concerns including family, relationship/marriage, faith, friends, interests, and socio-cultural engagements.
In this part of the world–culturally, societally and religiously–marriage is a very honourable and highly respected institution, hallowed in every sense. It is a mark of responsibility and a requisite component for generational continuity. Much deeper than this, marriage is believed to have very therapeutic and supportive roles for pursuits of adult life. Hence, society perceives marriage as a mark of maturity and responsibility. Each partner enters this union with many expectations, hoping to be there for each other physically, psychologically, economically, socially and spiritually. Whether for societal expectations or for divine injunctions in respect to this divine institution, the married christian doctor/dentist must never sacrifice the health of their marriage for any reason.
It is pertinent, therefore, that the christian physician finds time and maps out solid strategies to keep the wine flowing fresh in his/her marriage despite the busy schedule. Though the strategies may differ between individuals, couples and/or circumstances, the principle remains striking a balance in this vital area of life and ministry. The following nutrients may be of help in keeping the wine brewing fresh in the midst of a demanding professional life:
Understand the primary needs of your spouse: Does he/she need quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service or gifts? Though a spouse may have a predilection for one, everyone needs each to an extent. Understand your spouse and try to provide what he/she needs. Don’t spend the little available time giving what is not expected.
Love by barter: learn to exchange when the needed is not available. When unavoidably absent physically, send another love language not requiring physical presence – a romantic text message, a reassuring voice note, a selfie, a love letter, a video, etc. Love is a currency for psychosocial wellbeing, when naira is not available, send some dollars or pounds.
Fill the gaps: Couples with partners who have busy schedules tolerate a lot and bear some pains. Try to make up for lost time and activity. Come home occasionally with a gift, if possible; spend time to discuss or catch up on what has been missed due to your absence; take your partner out on a treat.
Take excuses from the job when necessary: Sacrifice the pay sometimes, if necessary. Postpone what can wait. Delegate duties if possible. Show your spouse that while you sacrifice his/her needs for the job, you can turn the table to his/her favour as well.
Find time to rest: while trying to meet these needs, stay healthy for your family. In trying to catch up, don’t take on excess sessions of marital exercise after a very long and busy call/shift. Though, it may look like catching up, it may not be healthy. Doctors are at high risk of Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy due to a protracted lifestyle of stress. It is in living that there is loving.
Pray for/with your partner: in the place of prayer, hearts are melted into one, passions are better understood and the bond of partnership is strengthened.
Share your burdens: patience is lengthy and hope is heavy in oblivion. Don’t leave your spouse assuming what you are going through. Share your testimonies, burdens and challenges. Fill them in; carry them along. In that way, you may not need to beg for more time; in fact, the understanding spouse may be the one to say, “Dear, you need more time to perfect this”.
Seek counsel where necessary: marriage classes do not end on the wedding day. It is a life-long journey requiring lots of update courses. Speak with a senior colleague (sometimes junior) with Christian values and principles on marriage and medicine. Share the burden. Sometimes, your mountain is not as large as it seems.
In all, wisdom is the principal thing, get wisdom; and in all your gettings, get understanding (Proverbs 4:7). Wisdom comes from nowhere but above. Let the Lord guide each of us to build a home where rancor and entropy will never feature, where peace shall reign endlessly and bliss shall be the fragrance ever perceived. Shalom!
Dr. (Mrs) O.A. Idagu is a Resident Family Physician in the Family Medicine Department of the Jos University Teaching Hospital (JUTH), Jos, Plateau State, Nigeria. Dr. P.O.C. Idagu is the Medical Superintendent/Director of the Arthur & Esther Bradley Memorial Anglican Hospital, Gidan Waya, Kaduna State.
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