‘The youth walks faster but the elder [more experienced] knows the road’
Living is mentorship. Right from birth mentorship begins – the child being mentored by the parents. Then, through the course of life mentorship continues, one person guiding another. As adults however, we may intentionally walk away from entering or being mentored. Still, we recognize the place and power of mentorship.
Should we choose to be part of a mentor-mentee relationship as adults, it is usually a conscious choice that is made intentionally from an understanding of its importance.
However, regardless of how important it is, mentorship is bound to fail, if at all they kicks-off, when not done right.
Just as great foods require great recipes, there are factors that make mentorship relationships great.
But first, the basics…
A mentor is an experienced individual who guides, supports, and advises someone less experienced—a mentee—who is eager to learn and grow in a particular area.
Over time, several ideas of mentorship have emerged, some of which are:
Mentorship by Readership: When someone follows the teachings of an author through their books and considers themselves mentored.
Mentorship by Followership: When an individual follows and emulates someone on social media—dressing, speaking, and acting like them—believing they are being mentored.
Mentorship by Association: When a person believes they are being mentored simply by being associated with a mentor figure, often for the status it brings.
While these may offer some inspiration or learning, these are one-sided and do not capture the full dynamic of mentorship—the supposed mentor is largely passive, fictional even.
What is Mentorship, really?
Actual mentorship goes beyond teacher-student, faith leader-disciple, boss-team member interactions; it requires more purpose-driven, engaging and active interaction that often transcends the unilaterality of those relationships. Mentorships are holistic—they may not start as such, but certainly evolve into such. It is a mutual relationship between two people with shared commitment to the mutual benefit of both.
What is the recipe for a great mentorship?
- Clear Expectations
Many relationships—mentorships included—fail because expectations are not clearly defined. While it’s common to hear that “expecting nothing protects you from disappointment,” this mindset is both unwise and unrealistic. Where there are no expectations there is no growth and often no commitment either. It is only in our relationship with strangers that we can truly expect nothing. But even in these, we still expect basic human decency and intelligence. When we do not get that, we are disappointed.
In mentorship, both the mentor and mentee should clearly articulate what they hope to give and gain, how frequently they plan to communicate, what values they hold and more. These expectations help shape the purpose of the relationship and guide its growth. When expectations cannot be met, it’s vital to communicate early and make necessary adjustments.
- Communication
Communication is often a challenge in mentor-mentee relationships. Some mentees may feel the need to show excessive reverence, avoiding informal interaction for fear of seeming disrespectful or overly familiar. Others become overly familiar and could easily come off as disrespectful–especially in our cultural context.
On the other hand, mentors tend to be quite busy and often find it difficult to keep up with scheduled meetings. Other times may feel the need to be laidback as to avoid complacency from the mentee.
Communication in mentorship is very much nuanced. However, all too important. It is the very foundation of any mentorship relationship.
Mentors and mentees should understand each other’s communication styles—verbal cues, body language, tone of voice, personality type etc.
Communication should be clear and void of assumptions.
III. Mutual Commitment
Commitment in mentorship means showing up—and it must come from both parties. One-sided commitment or mutual apathy leads to disappointment and eventual disengagement..
True commitment goes beyond duty— it’s about showing care and being deliberately present. People feel seen and valued not just by what is said, but by consistent action. When people witness genuine commitment, they are more inclined to respond in kind.
‘It takes two to tango’
Final Thoughts
A successful mentor-mentee relationship is absolutely possible—but only when both parties are intentional with shared expectations, open communication, and mutual commitment. This works most effectively when each party seeks to drive the relationship. That is, no one sits back expecting the other to reach out or follow up on plans.
Contributor
Dr. Okoro A. Angela is a medical doctor at the University of Calabar Teaching Hospital and a content writer with the Christian Medical and Dental Association Nigeria. She is committed to the advancement of health and the Kingdom of God.
