“He hurt me badly, Derin”. She struggled to hold back the
tears.
“I know, Sarah. You told me everything. But you still have to forgive him and learn to love him. That’s what the New Creature who is born of love would do.”
Sarah and I had been friends from primary school. After years of playing hide-and-seek, we finally got to talking about her “Daddy issues”. Hers was the absentee father, who was hardly ever available both physically and emotionally. He never provided and would often hit her and hurl terrible words at her the few times they were together.
She admitted this had caused unimaginable damage to her self-esteem and confidence, made her struggle with trust and intimacy, while also making it difficult for her to relate with men and authority figures.
Carl Jung was right; the Swiss psychiatrist believed that unconscious feelings towards parents can shape personality and behaviour. This was a classical case of a negative father complex.
“But, I can’t forgive him. I’ve tried and tried and…”
“Yes, you can, Sarah. You’re born of God. So, you can walk in love just like God, your Father. See, you’ve been made ready to walk in love; the New Birth made you so. The same way it is natural for a fish to swim in water, you can walk in love practically and forgive because it is your nature already.”
“Derin, that man is ev…”
“He is not “that man”, I cut in. “He is your father. And in spite of all that has happened, you must learn to honour, respect and love him as your father. Listen, Sarah, we’re all recipients of God’s love and forgiveness. So, you don’t treat people based on how you have been wrongly treated by them. Rather, you forgive them as you have been forgiven by God.”
This time, she let the tears flow unhindered. I let her finish. “Okay. I’m listening. What do I do now? I need help.
“Good. Dealing with offense begins from your words. Instead of grumbling and complaining as you’ve been doing, why not pray for him and thank God for his life?”
“Even when he doesn’t see his wrong?”
“Even when he doesn’t, Sarah. God loved us anyway before we ever realised or admitted our wrong.” “Okay. Fine. You’ve successfully used Bible to blackmail
me.”
I smiled.
“But it’s not blackmail, my friend. I’m just helping your recognition, because walking in love begins from your recognition of your identity in Christ. You must first see yourself in the light of who you are in Christ, as one who, like God, easily forgives those who hurt them. Clear?” “Clear sir”. With a straight face and a military salute. “Abeg, go joh. Who is your “sir”?
We both laughed, as I made her repeat the faith
confessions:
“I am kind-hearted. I easily forgive. Just like God my Father, I walk in love all the time”.
DR. OBAJEMU AYODEJI MOSES
